Side note: I hate being the first person in the circle when asked to do something like that because you get No warning and Not enough time to think of something really good. Especially if it's a hard question like "tell us something funny about this person" or "tell us something no one else may know." Okay, really? That takes a little time...and sometimes a Lot of time to come up with something....and then you're on the spot looking stupid if you have to think. Then the anxiety from the silence makes it hard to think....and round and round you go.
Okay...back to the circle. Will this be awkward? Who is first...whew! It's my mother...and next to her is my grandmother (who was so dear to come support my party even though she doesn't wear jewelry!). So, my potential awkwardness subsides. Surely my mother won't have to think too long about what she admires about me. And she didn't. But I didn't expect the answer I got. "I admire Julie for getting this house so clean because I was here yesterday and it was a Pit!" *gasp* "Mother!" Definitely got a laugh though. So much for family secrets, I guess. To be fair, she was being serious in that I had worked all day and still managed to get the house ready for company, which would have been hard for her, hence...something she admired. I love you Mom....thanks for keeping it real!
Then on to Grandma who said something sweet about the first time she saw me, and the circle continued. Now onto friends. Hopefully the laughing at my mother's comment and the Awww's I got during my grandmother's turn gave the other people enough time to think of something! Then things turned surprisingly sweet & sincere. I heard things about how organized I was, how well I raise my children, about my good financial & business sense, my diligence to working out, my overall friendliness, and my relationship with Jesus. Woah. I didn't expect how this made me feel. Quite the center of attention, which isn't the most comfortable place for me to sit....and a little overwhelmed by all the sweet words, which I knew were genuine. I made a quick joke about how I felt like I was at my funeral or something! That got some laughs, then we were off to some fun jewelry shopping for the rest of the evening.
However, I can't stop thinking about it. We usually do wait until someone's funeral to say all kinds of nice things about them. Why is that? Maybe the opportunity doesn't often present itself. Maybe it's not quite comfortable. Maybe it's that we don't often take the time to think of something to say. Maybe we think that person already knows how we feel. It does take more effort...more effort than just enjoying their company or participating in a dialog. It's a little out of our box...just enough out of our box to keep us from doing it much. "I love you" is different than something you admire. That takes a special effort. And we are willing and eager to go through that effort after we have lost someone we love, because it helps us grieve them. But when you think about it, isn't that kind of self-centered? We are eager to bless someone when we need it, but are a little oblivious when they need it.
I remember a couple years ago when someone from our small group at church suddenly died. She struggled a lot with her self-esteem...but when I listened to what sweet things everyone was saying about her (me included) I was a bit sad that we didn't say those things to her when she was here. Maybe she would have thought differently about herself if we were (I was) more diligent to tell her those things when she was alive. Well, after being on the receiving end of all those blessings and realizing what a big difference it can make to someone's outlook, I plan to change that. I'm glad I didn't have to wait until my funeral for those words to be expressed about me. They bless me so much more now than they will then...obviously! So, my goal?....to enrich other lives around me not just by showing them I love them, but telling them why I love them. Maybe it will change someone...you never know.
