Reading vs. Study

Well, hello there!  It's been nearly 18 months since my last post.  *gasp*

Well, that does not actually surprise me.  I went back and read a few of my old posts...which was kind of fun.  One thing I saw was how I described myself as very detailed, thinking through every aspect of something.  Well, that is part of what contributes to my blog apathy.  I've had several "Deep Thoughts" over the last 18 months...but actually writing them down, on a blog, in a way that doesn't seem dumb, rushed, or boring?  Those details take me a while to think through.  So....it doesn't get done.  Rest assured though.  I have a lot going on up here.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that the annual Bible study that I attend just started up in September.  I always enjoy returning.  Not that I don't enjoy the "coming" every week...but there are certain feelings that accompany the "returning."  It's easy to take the study for granted, coming week in and week out.  You can get into a groove...and it's easy to slip into the regimented part of it and leave out the meditative part of it.  I usually have some window like that at least once during every study, and I have to snap myself out of it.  However...the "returning" part is always so refreshing.  Like drinking fresh water when you're thirsty.  Sadly, I don't always behave as though I'm spiritually thirsty.  Which is probably why I can study a passage one year....and then read it again later, and I don't even remember it!  Maybe I wasn't as thirsty that first go-around.

Well, I'm taking advantage of my current motivation and documenting some interesting things I am learning from some very familiar passages.  I LOVE it when that happens!  We are currently studying Matthew, and we just finished chapters 1 & 2.  Jesus' birth is covered in those chapters, mostly. 

Okay.  I am familiar with Jesus' birth story.  Very familiar.  I can practically quote Luke 2.  Studying it though is different.  Really studying.  Analyzing the responses and behaviors of each character.  Discerning their motive or internal conflict.  Seeing phrases that you didn't even realize were there!  So, for my benefit (so I will actually remember it later) and for yours...I will make a list of the many NEW things God showed me in the story surrounding his birth.

• Tamar.  You are probably thinking...what is a Tamar?  Actually, it's a Who.  Tamar is a woman.  The story of Tamar is not familiar to most...but she does have a part to play in Jesus' birth story...which is the familiar part, or so we thought.  We all know that Jesus descends from the line of Judah (the 4th of Jacob's sons from Genesis).  It was prophesied that the Messiah would come through his descendants (the scepter will not depart from Judah, nor the ruler's staff from between his feet, until He comes to whom it belongs.  Gen 49:10).  What most people don't realize is that the "wife" that gave Judah the next son in this Messianic line (and I say wife loosely because Judah didn't actually marry her) was a Gentile, who pretended to be a prostitute in order to trick Judah into sleeping with her.  She desperately wanted to be a part of Judah's family...so she forced her way.  And Judah fell for the bait, in a moment of weakness.....actually in a season of weakness.  A long season.  And BAM!  Now Tamar, the pretend prostitute, has the distinct honor of being part of the Messianic line.  Judah had other children.  Why did God pick the child born out of a very embarrassing part of Judah's past to further the Messianic journey?  (If you want to know that, then you should attend the s-t-u-d-y where we delve into those kinds of questions).  So, what does this have to do with the study of Matthew?  Mathew chapter 1 lists the genealogy of Jesus....and there she is....in verse 3.  Tamar.  She was famous to the Jews.  So famous in fact, that Matthew included her in the list when the list usually only included the men.  So famous, that 1000 years later...when Ruth married Boaz (who was also in the Messianic line), the elders gave them a public blessing that their offspring would be like the one born to Judah by Tamar.  Ruth 4:12.  She was a Famous woman.  The Messiah was to come through her, and the elders prophesied the same would be true of Ruth (another Gentile)....and He did.  Never before when glancing through the genealogy in Matthew 1 did I ever realize such history or significance.  Hence, read vs. study.

• Magi.  Now, I have been a studier long enough to know that the Magi did not arrive to worship Jesus in the stable....contrary to the images and nativity scenes displayed at Christmas.  They arrived about 2 years later....when Jesus was a toddler....in his house.  I am assuming this is not news to you.  If it is, read Matthew 2 again.  What I didn't see before was a small phrase in 2:3.  When the Magi arrived and asked Herod (the "king" appointed by Rome to keep the Jews in line) where the New King had been born...the passage said he was disturbed...and here is the new part....and all Jerusalem with him.  Huh?  All Jerusalem?  Jerusalem was not very big.  This lends us to the conclusion that the Magi arriving was a HUGE big deal that everyone was talking about.....like the Beatles coming to town (back in the day).....or the president arriving in all his fanfare.  To.  Your.  Town.  They were wealthy, kingly looking, leaders and revered people from the East.  They brought REAL GOLD on their 2-year journey.  And not just a little box full.  Their entourage had to have been very Large to make such a showing in the town (not to mention the practical need for safety, protection, and supplies on the journey.....carrying the wealth that they were, for as long as they were).  So.....that means I need to add some wisemen to my nativity this year, because there were surely a lot of them.

• Joseph.  Well, this one is surely familiar to you.  However, there are even things about this man that I saw which were new to me.  Ok.  I'll set the scene.  Mary finds out she's having the Messiah.  She tells Joseph (we assume).  Now what?  The passage goes straight to him considering leaving her quietly rather than publicly...and then the angel visits him in a dream to explain what's going on.  Okay.  I see a lot going on right here.  Joseph had to have been Devastated.  Absolutely devastated.  Tears.  Anguish.  Confusion.  Questions.  Disbelief that he was so "wrong" about his future bride.  He loved her.  A lot.  Verse 20 says he considered this (leaving her).  I bet there is a lot going on in that word, considered.  You know how emotionally draining it is when something devastating happens in your family?  You're distracted at work....you cry when you're alone (yes, men do it too)...and sleep is your only escape from the pain.  In his "considering", he had decided to leave her (v. 19)....and in his grief-stricken sleep, and angel came to him.  And then he stayed.  I bet there were different tears after that decision.  Good ones.  In Mary's embrace.

• Chief Priests and Teachers of the Law.  They come on the scene in 2:4.  Herod asked them (ALL of them, v.4) to come tell him what the Jewish Scriptures said about the Messiah prophesies.  These were people who taught the Scriptures for a living....read them constantly....memorized them.  They KNEW them.  Inside and out.  When Herod asked them where the Messiah was supposed to be born....Bam!  They immediately quoted Micah 5:2, written hundreds of years ago.  They had to have received word of this fancy Magi entourage that arrived...and what they were looking for.  Now Herod calls them in.  Well...you don't really see them again after this.  The rest of it is between Herod and the Magi.  What does that tell me?  The chief priests were not interested in following this Bright Light that had been in the sky for 2 years...even though there were prophesies about that too that they had memorized.  Someone else even says...Hey!  We think your King has been born!  Do they follow?  Ask questions?  Get curious?  Excited even?  Nope.  They just return to their houses and prepare for the next day's sacrifice or sermon....about the very prophesies that are unfolding before them.  And they don't even see it....even when a Gentile points it out.  Blind.  Totally blind.  Indifferent to the truth.  The truth is that your world's about to be turned upside down!  Meh.  I don't believe that.  The world is filled with these people today too.....sitting in the pews next to us at church.....hearing the truth, knowing it, learning it, regurgitating it....not really believing it.  Sad.

• Nazareth vs. Bethlehem.  Joseph and Mary were from Nazareth (north of Bethlehem about 80 miles).  See Luke 2:4.  They left for Bethlehem for the census that the Caesar required.  Okay.  Already know that.  Did you realize that when the Magi visited Jesus 2 years later, that they were still in Bethlehem?  I always kind of thought that he was born in a barn, they finished the census, then went home with him.  Nope.  They stayed.  Not in the barn, though, but in the town.  Their new home was there.  Their parents had to have been back in Nazareth....because they were just teenagers, or young adults (most likely), living with their parents until marriage.  Wow.  That must have been hard.  It seems to me that God told them to stay in anticipation that the Magi would come to that town looking for him...because of the prophesy.  Otherwise, they probably would have gone back "home."  This reveals the character of Joseph and his unwavering obedience to God, despite the huge derailment of his life that being the parent of the Messiah brought to him. 

• Prophecy.  So, when Herod decides to kill all babies under 2 years old in and around Bethlehem, God tells Joseph to get outa dodge.  Does he tell him to go north 80 miles to Nazareth, back home?  No.  Was Herod's people looking for him there?  No.  So why Egypt of all places?  225 miles southwest.  225.  See 2:15.  Because it had been prophesied Out of Egypt I called my son.  Hosea 11:1.  Egypt had spiritual significance...and God orchestrated many past events to foreshadow future ones (passover, animal sacrifices, etc).  This verse (Hos 11:1) originally referred to the nation of Israel (his children) whom he called out of Egyptian slavery....an image of what would happen thousands of years later when Jesus was there....and had to be called out.  Cool.  So Egypt wasn't the only safe place around, and it sure wasn't convenient to get to.....but the prophesy......the prophesy had to be kept.  Hence, Egypt.  Second prophesy.  Nazareth.  When Joseph was told to go back to Israel....he trekked the 225 miles again with his family (and preschooler).  Back to Bethlehem.  Wait.  What?  Not Bethlehem God?  Nope.  God says it's not safe here.  Keep going.  Another 80 miles north.  Back to Nazareth.  To your family.  See 2:23.  He will be called a Nazarene.  Not a Bethlehemite...or whatever.  The prophesy.  It had to be kept.  (Food for thought.  How did God protect John the Baptist during the Herod killings?  He was the same age as Jesus.  He was from Jerusalem, 6 miles from Bethlehem.  Did the killings not go that far?  Did God similarly protect John and family?  We don't know.  Interesting.)

• Worship.  This is my favorite.  The Magi came to worship!  Intentional.  Prepared.  Eager.  Their worship wasn't singing, like we think of it.  And it wasn't just the bowing down part.  Their worship was the 2-year journey.  The gathering of supplies.  The sacrifice of their wealthy gifts.  The planning the route.  The assembling of the caravan team.  The eagerness and anticipation.  All of this was worship.  I NEVER saw that before.  As a long-time Christian, I have carried in myself a lot of self-condemnation because I never developed the habit of a daily quiet time with God.  Daily.  Alone.  Me and Him and my Bible.  I've had stints, but I always fall off.  I can get discouraged....which I have before.  Think I'm hopeless....which I have before.  But now I realize....God wants me to worship him.  With the way I treat others, the encouragement of hurting people, the sacrifice of time and money, anticipation of meeting him today and in eternity, telling someone else about him, teaching children the good news, discipling someone, loving my husband and asking forgiveness, training my children in righteousness......and spending time with Him.  He is pleased when I worship Him in these ways...and he is not condemning me because I did not worship him in a specific way yesterday.  Yes.  It is in my best interest to meet him alone.  Every Day.  But is my worship distasteful to Him because it is not in the form of a quiet time every day.  Absolutely Not!  He relishes my worship....and it is purely for his benefit that I do it (the list above).  He accepts what I give, because He knows the motive in which I give it.  This is not an excuse to not have a daily quiet time....for those of you who are passionate about that part.  But it is a release from the self-condemnation I have felt for years...that God is displeased with me.  I'm offering him what I am able to give (just like the widow), and what I am able to give grows, as I grow.  Jesus publicly praised that widow, for the 2 coins she gave.  And not because it was a percentage thing...like a math problem.  But because her heart was in it.  My heart is IN what I give.  And he is so pleased with me because of it.

Reading vs. Studying.  It's life-changing.  Praise be to God!

My Summer Challenge

Several posts ago, around last summer, I blogged about how I accepted a role in Bible Study Fellowship teaching the children.  This study lasted the whole school year and it just ended this week.  Now we have the summer off......off from BSF but not from Jesus, not from God's Word, not from spiritual growth...as our teaching leader reminded us.  I just LOVE her by the way!  I want to give a big shout out to my BSF leader.  God has called her to a mighty work and she performs it so beautifully.  The Holy Spirit works so powerfully through her and I love sitting under her teaching.  I have learned more and grown more under her than anywhere else.  Try a BSF class.  You'll never regret it! 

Okay, okay.  *climbing off of soap box*

Back to summer.  What am I going to study over the summer?  To be honest, in past summers after BSF was over I would hear the same charge, "Decide now what you are going to study/read over the summer.  Don't put God's Word on the shelf until fall!" and I would think to myself...yes you're right, and then I would inevitably study Nothing until September.  I need the structure in order to stick with something...a side note here.  You P90X people are Awesome in my mind mostly because of your diligence to work out on your own...every day!  I have to hire someone to work me out, otherwise I would always find an excuse not to do it.  Okay, the same goes with my Bible.  Sorry Jesus, but it has been so true for me.  It helps me so much to have the accountability of a study, a friend, a plan, a group....something to help me stay faithful in my walk with Jesus because otherwise the affairs of my life begin to swallow up my time, and I allow it, not really believing that I will suffer for it....but then I always do.  So, as the charge was being given to us again this year, I heard myself say the same thing in my mind I always do.  "Yes, you're right."  Then I also had the next thought that I always have after it.  "Really Julie?  Are you really going to decide on something and stick with it?  Aren't you tired?"

Well, I sat in that space as the study was coming to a close, not really purposing to choose a section of God's Word to study.  I guess thinking that my time in the Scriptures would "just happen."  Well, then one of the other leaders in the group shared in our last leaders meeting what God had laid on her heart to do over the summer.....and I was so awed by the idea of it that I haven't been able to get it off my mind ever since.  In fact, when I think about it I get more and more excited...and nervous.  Can I really do that?

She planned to memorize the Book of James. 
What?  That's right.  The whole book of James.  Memorize it.  Whoa.  I've never attempted something like that before.  It's not even crossed my mind.  James has special meaning to the ladies of our study this year because it is one of the books that we went through.  James is so practical.  There's so much there about persevering through trials and how we use our tongue.  The thought of memorizing it brings such excitement to my heart.  Talk about "hiding God's Word in my heart!"  What are the limits of how God can change me in such practical ways if I memorize such wisdom?  It's 5 chapters.  Can I do it?  We'll see because I'm going for it!  I've already started....and I've even enlisted my kids' help.  I pass my Iphone to Logan who reads along in the car as I quote it to him.  He even helps me!  "No mom.  It's not and the man, it's but the man."  You know me....have to learn it word for word. 

Well, I've already learned the first 11 verses.  Every time I get a few moments, I start repeating the verses to myself.....and it just rejuvenates me!  It makes me really think through them...understand what I'm saying.  I've already used one of the verses during a mildly frustrating moment......."the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  It was right there on the tip of my tongue too!  I love that!  Here are the verses I've learned so far, for your reference:

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position.  But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower.  For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed.  In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

So, are you at a loss as to what to do this summer to stay in God's Word?  Do you want to memorize something with me?  I'd love to be encouraged by you!  Post a comment below and let me know.  Pick a passage that has special meaning to you, or a Psalm or Proverb...or pick a section of James and we'll learn it together!

Oh, side note again with a bit of Bible trivia......Who do you think wrote the book of James (for you avid Bible readers out there)?  Did you say James the disciple of Jesus....the "James & John" disciple?
*insert loud buzzer here*
Incorrect.  However, that is the James I have always associated this book with in my mind though.
See Acts 12:2
It is believed that John's brother James was martyred too early to have written this letter....also noting that the letter was written to the 12 tribes scattered throughout the nations, which only had just started to happen when he was martyred......and also noting that his letter addresses himself as a "servant" and not an "apostle" like the other letters written by the apostles.  So who was it?  It is believed to be Jesus' brother, converted to a believer after the resurrection.  Jude verse 1 (written by Jesus' brother Judas) also references himself as "a brother of James."  Cool huh!  Please tell me I'm not the only Bible-studier that didn't know this........is that a word?  Studier?

Well, there you have it.  A small nugget from my BSF study, a public commitment to memorize a crazy-long passage, and a challenge for you to join me.  I hope it blessed you.

Eternal Perspective

Editor's note:  It's been several months since I blogged so I logged on to refresh my memory on what I last talked about and I found this "draft" post that I wrote last October.  I barely remember writing it...isn't that weird?  Anyway, even though it sounds like I'm reading someone else's blog when I re-read this, I thought I'd go ahead and post it.  It's a little different from my other posts, which is why I guess I waited to post it the first time.  Oh well...here goes:

Okay...so now you get a chance to peer into my brain.  My unconventional brain.  I actually think about eternity a lot, but probably not in the way you are thinking.  I actually don't spend much time imagining what eternity will be like.  I know a lot of people get a lot of enjoyment wondering what life will be like after this one ends, but the practical side of me can't do that very long before it feels like a waste of my time.  I guess that's because it doesn't really matter what I imagine because it will most likely be wrong.  If you knew you could stare at a mystery forever but never figure it out, why bother with it?  Just acknowledge it's a mystery and wait for it to be "revealed" later.  Can you tell I am very left-brained?  Not many creative, artistic or curious thoughts persist long in my mind...only those that actually lead to a conclusion with real meaning.  Now that's the good stuff to meditate on!  (For this reason, I have a great appreciation for those who are creative & imaginative because my mind can't seem to get beyond the question of Why is this practical in my life?  So I feel a bit stunted in that area sometimes.)

Okay...so I've spent a whole paragraph explaining what is Not on my mind.  What is on my mind is how my life fits into the realm of eternity.  Huh?...is maybe your first thought.  What I mean is, I frequently think about how eternity is forever...right?  The Bible refers to our earthly lives as being similar to an ambassadorship.  An ambassador leaves his home to live in a foreign land for a while, but they are really a representative of their homeland.  You're whole perspective of life on this earth changes when you see it in that light.  If heaven is my eternity, and it is where I am headed after this life ends, and it is my real home, and it lasts forever-  and by forever I mean a lifetime multiplied by infinite lifetimes - then what is this lifetime supposed to be?

Ultimately, I'm just visiting here.  My purpose is to honor God in all aspects of my life and make him look bigger in a world that does not know Him.  But other than that, the events that happen in my life (or anyone's life for that matter) don't matter.  Don't get me wrong...they do matter, but they only matter in the context of how God intends to use our lives.  They are His to use...and not just for the Christians.  He created all people, so the lives belong to Him to use as He pleases.

I guess I think of it like a baseball game that God is playing, and we are the balls.  Ok...go with me here.  God is playing a "game" with the enemy (no disrespect intended here) and we are the balls in the game.  God uses some...the enemy uses some.  The score has already been foretold, so we know who wins.  God chooses to take some of the balls home with him after the game is over because of their role in the game.  But the balls are expected to do what's asked of them when it's their turn at bat...not worry about whether they will be dropped, hope they don't get smacked too many times, or complain if their usefulness was short-lived.  Be a ball and serve the player.  It's God's game anyway, not the ball's.

I guess that's where we/I get hung up.  We think this game is all about us...but we are just the ball.  From His perspective, I would think that looks pretty ridiculous.  What difference does it make if we endure some suffering or experience pain?  Well, it makes a difference in the play of the game maybe...but it shouldn't make a difference to the ball how he is used in the game.

Ok.  I'm not trying to diminish the painful effects of suffering in this life.  This life can be brutal.  But frequently I find myself remembering that my life is not about me.  The odd thing is that it feels like it is all about us because it is the only way that we know to experience Life.

Someday we will see our lives from God's perspective...and what will we see?  How will we feel about it?  Hmmmm.  Good question.  These are the things that fill my mind at times.  I hope you enjoyed your visit into my deep thoughts!  Come back next time.

Prayer for the Sick

This has been on my mind a lot lately.  So many people in my circle or near my circle have been struck with severe illness in the last couple years.  It's very sobering.  It's actually hard for me to really take in.  I have to fight against passivity because the thought of the actual burden is quite overwhelming.

Well, one of these families was in church on Sunday and had an opportunity to share with the body what their year has looked like, and also testify to God's sovereignty.  It was quite moving, heart-wrenching, and inspiring at the same time.  Afterwards, our pastor stood and said a prayer over our body...a prayer filled with Scripture, filled with humility, filled with petition, and filled with praise.  His prayer really stuck with me.  Before the end of the day, I asked him to email it to me (because I knew he had it written down).  I've meditated on it these last couple days and I want to share it with you.  If you know someone, or know of someone, who is struggling with illness but you don't know what to pray (or what to keep praying), I offer this to you as a place to start.  God's Word is living and active (Heb 4:12)...and in It there is power!

Our Most Gracious Heavenly Father, we humbly bow before you this day and say with the Psalmist:

We bless You, O our souls,
And all that is within us, bless Your holy name.
We bless You, O our souls,

And forget none of Your benefits;
Who pardon all our iniquities,

Who heal all our diseases;
Who redeem our lives from the pit,

Who crown us with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfy our years with good things,

So that our youth is renewed like the eagle.

(Adapted from Psalm 103:1-5)

Indeed, Lord, we rejoice knowing You alone truly heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). We can proclaim with confidence these things are true:

For You formed our inward parts;

You wove us in our mothers' wombs.
We will give thanks to You, for we are

fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And our soul knows it very well.
Our frame was not hidden from You,

When we were made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen our

unformed substance;

And in Your book were all written

The days that were ordained for us,

When as yet there was not one of them.

(Adapted from Psalm 139:13-16)

And yet, Father, we groan during our pilgrimage on this earth, infected by the curse of sin and subject to sickness and pain as a result of the fall. We groan, yes, because we suffer and at times are tempted to lose heart. We ache and hurt and become downcast in our souls. We groan mostly, though, because we long for the ultimate hope we have through Jesus Christ our Saviour Who has risen from the dead conquering sin and death...a hope that will be fulfilled on that great day when we will see Him face-to-face.  While we wait, our frailty reminds us of both of our weakness this day and the reality that we will be frail no more on that day. We recall these words of the Apostle Paul and exult:

It is sown a perishable body,
it is raised an imperishable body;
it is sown in dishonor,
it is raised in glory;
it is sown in weakness,
it is raised in power; 
it is sown a natural body,
it is raised a spiritual body....
For this perishable must put on the imperishable,

and this mortal must put on immortality.

(1 Corinthians 15:42-44, 53)

And so, Father, we come before Your throne today with complete confidence in You.  You are sovereign, You are ultimately and completely trustworthy, and You are worthy of all glory and praise. We long, then, that You be glorified in the midst of the sickness afflicting many in this body. We also express a great desire, Lord, that this prayer - offered in faith - will restore those who are sick. We would be grateful if the way You choose to do that would be to heal their bodies. We know You are able to do this, either in miraculous ways without earthly intervention or by working through human means.  We submit, though, to Your ultimate purposes that are always designed to result in both our good and Your glory. We consider that word - restore - and it brings to mind Your perfect care for us as our Shepherd both now and forever:

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.

He restores my soul;

He guides me in the paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil,
for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You have anointed my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and lovingkindness
will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

(Psalm 23:1-6)

May all who are sick rest in these great truths...truths that remind us our health, our healing, our hope, indeed our very identity, are hidden safely in You, O great God. And may these great truths be a sweet balm to the souls of the sick as they press in ever closer to You, remembering this:

Therefore we do not lose heart,
but though our outer man is decaying,
yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.
For momentary, light affliction
is producing for us an eternal weight of glory
far beyond all comparison,
while we look not at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen;
for the things which are seen are temporal,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

We ask all these things of You, Heavenly Father, THE LORD GOD, THE ALMIGHTY, WHO WAS AND WHO IS AND WHO IS TO COME, in the name of Jesus Christ, our great King and Saviour, Amen.

Grandparents

...Grandparents.  Today was Grandparent's Day at our children's school, Regent Preparatory.  It is such a special day.  One of my favorite of the whole year.  The children start preparing right after school starts...memorizing songs, poems, Scripture, famous speeches...preparing art and science projects.  It is  HUGE day for the school.  They put on a fantastic presentation with a blend of historical, Biblical & patriotic components, and every year I either tear up or at least get a thump in my throat.  And it is all to honor...Grandparents.  Grandparents are such a rich part of a family's history and children can learn so much from them...especially unending Love!  Not every child gets the chance to grow up with grandparents, so I am thankful for every blessed year that they are in our lives...loving on us, cheering us on, interested in our lives, and always there when you call or want to drop by.

My boys are blessed to have 3 grandparents and 2 great-grandparents.  And all 5 of them come to Grandparents Day every fall...one of whom drives 2 hours to do so.  I am so thankful for the grandparents in our family because they just love us and our children with a deep richness that is palpable.  Their arms are always opened wide and their giving is unending.

We can never equally give back to you to the degree you have invested in our family over these past 60+ years, but our school and our families honor you today to show you what a rich heritage you have helped create with these young children.  The life lessons you have taught us, we pass to them.  You have a great legacy behind you.  Our boys may not recognize it now, but one day when they are sitting in the audience with silver hair watching their own legacy on the stage, they will remember...and be grateful.

Thoughts

Well....stuff is on my mind all the time but I don't seem to make time to get it here on the blog.  I think that's because I envision myself as having this really great blog that everyone loves to read...so I don't want to post something that doesn't live up to that standard, in my mind.  Hence, I already have 2 blog posts that have been started but never even finished.  So, I have to lower the expectation I am putting on myself.  Short blog bursts, things I am thinking about, questions in my head...nothing long.  Something I can do in 10 minutes.

Our church has been meeting the last 8 Wednesday nights doing a series on the Body...the Body of Christ that is.  Last night I was challenged on taking my thoughts captive.  Something I have done a lot better with over the years.  I found myself thinking about how much I have improved in this area...how much more awareness I have in this regard.   Then.....the next morning......I got behind a slow driver.  I heard myself thinking, "Give me a break!"  This reminded me that even though we improve in an area, even greatly improve, we still fall short of God's perfect design - elimintaing any opportunity for boasting.  Thank you Jesus for reminding me Who is the Source of all growth and Who is the Carrier of all my short-comings.  I don't deserve you.

Annointed

Believe it or not, this is the first time I've had a block of time to myself with nothing pressing to do so I can finally blog!  Life has been a whirlwind since school started, it seems.  Throughout August & September, I would occasionally think of a cool blog title for something I was doing...but alas I have not gotten around to making it a reality.  The stuff that's on my mind will eventually make it down on this virtual paper though...at some point.  So, what do I write about first?  What event(s) stick out in my mind first when I think back on the last 6-8 weeks.  One definitely comes to mind that I've been wanting to blog about.

It's actually a followup on a previous post of mine about a rental house I bought.  It was a cool story of how Jesus blessed me richly when I was trying to get a good deal on a rental property that I wanted to refurbish.  Well, this is the conclusion of that story.

After we closed on the house, which was about a 3-4 weeks later, we immediately started the rehab.  And by we, I mean my contractor.  However, I was there at the house every day...sometimes twice a day making decisions, answering questions, solving problems, delivering supplies, writing checks, you name it.  Whew!  I was in a hurry though to get it finished, cleaned and listed for rent because the end of August was really close and a lot of people like to move at the end of the month.  I really wanted to get it listed in time for someone who might have needed it September 1st.  One month of missed rent is a big deal on the bottom line too.

Okay...so we bang this house out in 1 week.  And that is 6 straight days of 6am-10pm hours with the last day ending at 2am because carpet was being delivered.  Side note: they usually don't work those kinds of crazy hours, and despite what it may sound like...I'm not a slave-driver.  However, they had a tight schedule and so did I, so there you go.  After carpet is laid and a final cleaning, it's ready for rent.  How close are we to the end of the month?  Ack!  Too close.  About 2-3 days left.  Oh well.  Let's see what happens.

Now comes the exhausting part...if managing a rehab is not exhausting.  Getting called all day long from potential renters, who you are trying to interview as candidates without letting them know that's what you're doing.  Scheduling showings in between working, school pickup, other appointments, evening & school commitments...spending enough time with each renter to get a feel for them...managing the insecurity of "Did I price this too high?  How does my house compare to others?"  After 1-2 weeks of constant showings with no bites, I start to wonder.  What should I do?  Stick to my guns?  Lower the price?  I had it priced on the high end because our rehab guy did an absolutely fantastic job.  It looked better than I imagined it would, so I thought I might be able to get a higher rent.  First week of September is down now, with nothing.  So I lower the price.  My thinking is that if people want it by October 1st, they should be biting with an application soon.  I don't want to squander good potentials because I have it priced too high.  I am sharing my thoughts with my good friend who also has rental properties.  I told her it was making me a bit nervous, waiting on God to provide the right family for that house, but I knew the wait was good for me.

A couple days later, she calls and wants to pray with me about the house.  What a blessing she is!  I say sure, and she goes on to explain that the last house she bought she anointed with oil and prayed over it.  Hmmm....I have never done that before.  I mean, I have prayed over every house either while I was in it or while I was thinking about it...praying for the people who would live there.  But I've never anointed anything.  I'm not opposed to it, I've just not done it.  It there something specific you're supposed to say?  Is it the same as praying?  I know what it means...Set Apart for God's Purpose...and that's what I want this house to be.  I want it to serve Him well and bring glory to him by the way I use it and by the people who live there.  So, I invite her over to the house and it's just her and me.  She has a bottle of oil from her house, and all she did was dot a bit on the door and window frames while she prayed for the house, it's protection, for the people, etc.  Similar to what I was already doing prayer-wise, but with the biblical significance of adding the oil & asking God to set this house apart for His purpose.

It was such a joy praying with her.  She didn't have to do that for me...but boy did it bless me.  So, now there is oil on the door posts.  Everyone who walks in and out of that place is walking underneath prayer.  That is a cool picture. 

Next morning.  Phone rings.  Again.  Another renter wants to see the house, but they are on a tight schedule and want to see it right now...if I'm available of course.  Well normally I am not because I have myself pretty booked up, but I actually had that whole morning free and was just cleaning house and doing laundry.  So, I said okay and met them there.  So, now the interviewing starts.  Why are you moving?  What do you do?  Where are you from?  Let me show you around.  But I don't make it sound bulleted like that.  Just like a normal conversation.  After all of that, I learn that they are believers and are very faithful to a local church.  She has been a Christian for years...and he has been one for 3 weeks.  Come again?  3 Weeks?  Turns out, she has been praying for him to recognize who God is and His power to save, and through all his ups and downs and a big emotional low, his eyes were opened to what his life was missing. Jesus!

So cool!  It wasn't just their story that moved me, but also just the way they were.  They were different than others I had seen.  Oh, and the kicker....their lease expires in 4 days.  They need the house immediately!  Whoa.  How did God do that?  Well, the rest is history.  We signed the lease the next day and they started moving in that night.  Now, when I imagine them at that house, living with their kids, doing life, I imagine that oil that has not been washed off...that they are walking under (unknowingly) every time they enter a room.  Those prayers now live there, just like they do.  Thank you Jesus for that gift to them that they don't even know about.

Don't Wait for the Funeral

Last night I hosted a Lia Sophia (jewelry) party at my house...this is big for me because I'm not a huge fan of hosting parties like this, especially if they involve too much cooking...but I digress.  Anyway, the rep who was selling the jewelry started out in the usual way..."Will everyone introduce yourselves to the group and tell us how you know Julie."  Okay, sounds easy enough.  But then....she made one more request.  "And please tell us 1 thing that you admire about Julie."  Uhhhh, I wasn't expecting that.  I made a little joke about how I promise I didn't put her up to that...and then I looked to see who was the first person in the circle. 

Side note:  I hate being the first person in the circle when asked to do something like that because you get No warning and Not enough time to think of something really good.  Especially if it's a hard question like "tell us something funny about this person" or "tell us something no one else may know."  Okay, really?  That takes a little time...and sometimes a Lot of time to come up with something....and then you're on the spot looking stupid if you have to think.  Then the anxiety from the silence makes it hard to think....and round and round you go.

Okay...back to the circle.  Will this be awkward?  Who is first...whew!  It's my mother...and next to her is my grandmother (who was so dear to come support my party even though she doesn't wear jewelry!).  So, my potential awkwardness subsides.  Surely my mother won't have to think too long about what she admires about me.  And she didn't.  But I didn't expect the answer I got.  "I admire Julie for getting this house so clean because I was here yesterday and it was a Pit!"  *gasp*  "Mother!"  Definitely got a laugh though.  So much for family secrets, I guess.  To be fair, she was being serious in that I had worked all day and still managed to get the house ready for company, which would have been hard for her, hence...something she admired.  I love you Mom....thanks for keeping it real! 

Then on to Grandma who said something sweet about the first time she saw me, and the circle continued.  Now onto friends.  Hopefully the laughing at my mother's comment and the Awww's I got during my grandmother's turn gave the other people enough time to think of something!  Then things turned surprisingly sweet & sincere.  I heard things about how organized I was, how well I raise my children, about my good financial & business sense, my diligence to working out, my overall friendliness, and my relationship with Jesus.  Woah.  I didn't expect how this made me feel.  Quite the center of attention, which isn't the most comfortable place for me to sit....and a little overwhelmed by all the sweet words, which I knew were genuine.  I made a quick joke about how I felt like I was at my funeral or something!  That got some laughs, then we were off to some fun jewelry shopping for the rest of the evening.

However, I can't stop thinking about it.  We usually do wait until someone's funeral to say all kinds of nice things about them.  Why is that?  Maybe the opportunity doesn't often present itself.  Maybe it's not quite comfortable.  Maybe it's that we don't often take the time to think of something to say.  Maybe we think that person already knows how we feel.  It does take more effort...more effort than just enjoying their company or participating in a dialog.  It's a little out of our box...just enough out of our box to keep us from doing it much.  "I love you" is different than something you admire.  That takes a special effort.  And we are willing and eager to go through that effort after we have lost someone we love, because it helps us grieve them.  But when you think about it, isn't that kind of self-centered?  We are eager to bless someone when we need it, but are a little oblivious when they need it.

I remember a couple years ago when someone from our small group at church suddenly died.  She struggled a lot with her self-esteem...but when I listened to what sweet things everyone was saying about her (me included) I was a bit sad that we didn't say those things to her when she was here.  Maybe she would have thought differently about herself if we were (I was) more diligent to tell her those things when she was alive.  Well, after being on the receiving end of all those blessings and realizing what a big difference it can make to someone's outlook, I plan to change that.  I'm glad I didn't have to wait until my funeral for those words to be expressed about me.  They bless me so much more now than they will then...obviously!  So, my goal?....to enrich other lives around me not just by showing them I love them, but telling them why I love them.  Maybe it will change someone...you never know.

Recovering Control Addict

My mind is an interesting place to be...I think.  Not interesting in the sense that I think I am super interesting...but interesting in that I think on things that probably no one ever thinks about. 

I regularly refer to myself as a Recovering Control Addict.  It's not a label I'm proud of, and it has caused its share of problems in my life.  I see myself as "in Recovery".  I'm not sure what "chip" number I'd be on if they actually had a support group for such people but I might be around the 5-year mark.  I guess that's how long I've been "sober" from the grip of having to control my environment.  David and I laugh about it now.  There is an upside to this condition...at least it feels that way to me (I guess you'll have to ask those around me to get the real truth on that one).  My nature is to see the details of everything.  I manage details well.  I can see details that need to be addressed before they come up...if I'm organizing something, I can plan it out in my head so that I can spot the holes.  David on the other hand is the big picture guy.  Many times I have gotten overwhelmed in the details of something and can't see the forest for the trees...and then he saves the day by showing me what seems so obvious to him.  David to the rescue!  Then I can get back to the business of getting the details worked out. 

So back to my addiction, if I see a better way of doing something...I want to say something.  If there's a faster way to get somewhere or a more efficient way of accomplishing any task...I want to tell you!  Don't you want to know how you can do that thing better than you are?  Hmmmm...you see my problem?  Okay, so I feel like I've earned my sobriety chip because now I don't always tell you what I'm thinking.  Isn't that nice of me?....right.  Didn't I say there was an upside?  Oh yeah...the upside is that I do tend to be super-efficient in most tasks I set out to accomplish and I can snuff out the inefficiencies really fast...and I can see several steps ahead and plan for it.  These are handy traits in the workplace and when planning 2-week family road trips (have you followed my trips on facebook...those take 3 months to plan!), as well as being helpful in other areas.  On the other side, I have really learned to let go...let go of my need to have you do something the way I would...let go of how it may affect me if we get somewhere 15 minutes later...let go when I see inefficiencies that are really not a big deal.  On a side note, one thing that really makes me feel loved is when David asks me, "Which direction do you think would be the fastest?" or "What do you think is the best order for us to run these errands?"  Really?!?  You want me to tell you what I think?  I'd be happy to!  One time I asked him why he wanted my feedback and he said, "Because the way you do things is usually pretty good!"  Melted my heart....

Okay, so lately as I've been driving in my car...things cross my mind...about driving.  Actual driving.  I think about all the things I have learned about driving that you can't get in driver's ed.  All the things you learn through experience...like when you are driving in 3 lanes of traffic and you want to merge into the center lane, you have to look in the far lane as well to make sure no one else is wanting to merge into the same spot.  See, I told you my mind was an interesting place to be!  Well...maybe that's not the word you would use.  Okay, so my oldest son is 10...which means in 5 years he will be in the driver's seat while I am slamming the imaginary brake in the passenger seat.  I am already trying to prepare for those days so that I don't revert into old habits.  But I can already see that it's going to be tough because the consequenses of bad driving are not just getting somewhere 15 minutes late. 

So, to satisfy my need to control that environment (and by that I mean pass along my well-earned wisdom on the subject) while still maintaining a let-it-go attitude...I have a plan.  I plan to casually share my wisdom in very small pieces over the next few years...while he is still young enough to think I actually know something!  Just like when you explain smoking to an 8 year old...you say "That is bad for you" and you say it in varying ways over the years so that hopefully when they are old enough to choose for themselves, you have imprinted your wisdom into their mind enough that it sticks!  I already see that with my boys and driving!  Here are some comments I have already heard from the backseat:  "Look mom, that guy on the motorcycle is not wearing a helmet!"  "Mom, they have their dog in the back of that truck.  That's dangerous!"  "Look mom, that lady is texting on her phone!"  I just smile when I hear these comments, because it means my plan is working!  Wisdom being successfully transferred from mother to son!  I have to hurry up though...10 is not far away from the yucky years when I all of a sudden have no idea what I'm talking about.

So , that's what's going on in my head lately...at least while I'm driving.  How can I possibly teach all I know about driving to my kids so they will be fantastic and safe drivers? (Usually I'm thinking this while some teenager almost causes a wreck in front of me).  Okay, I'm realistic enough to know that will not happen...but I'm controlling enough to give it a shot.  There's got to be a balance...right?

Whisper #3 - It Once Was Lost, But Now It's Found

This is my 3rd post on Jesus whispers that I experienced this week.  What is a Jesus whisper?  It's something I made up...at least I made up the name.  See my my previous 2 posts for the history.  In short, they are stories of very specific events I experienced this week where I knew without any doubt that Jesus was intimately involved in giving me a helping hand.  How do I know it was Jesus and not just "good fortune?"  Well, I guess you can ask the same question of someone married to an identical twin.  "How do you know which one is your spouse?"  Uhhh...while they may look the same to others, I guarantee you their spouse can tell the difference...because they Know them.  Really know them.  While my "knowing Jesus" is always growing, I know Him enough to tell the difference.  So, I am giving Him the credit for these specific circumstances where I knew "something more" was going on here.

My last 2 posts were regarding some pretty big events and decisions I had to make this week.  This one however is pretty small...but I Love it when I see Jesus loving me in the smallest of ways.  Ways that others would never see or recognize or even think is a big deal.  Now, there are a million little good things that happen to me all around...and I honestly don't "thank Jesus" for each of them when they happen.  I just take it, enjoy it, and move on.  But there are some special times...times that may look the same to others...but where I can tell that this is different.  It's like Jesus went out of His way to give me something...or at least that's how it feels.  That's the case here.

Okay, let me set the scene.  Next to my side of the bed is this really small round table (it's actually a plant stool) big enough for an alarm clock and a bottle of lotion.  Near that table is a small trash can and a laundry basket with dirty laundry.  One day, I am looking for a certain piece of clothing...like a swim suit or something...and I was digging around in the dirty laundry to see if it was in there.  So I had kind of emptied the laundry out onto the floor while looking...then scooped it all up and put it back in.  That night as I'm heading to bed, I notice that there is 1 earring sitting on my small round table.  Where did this come from?  I don't remember this being here.  So I ask David...do you know where this came from?  He said he found my earrings on the floor so he picked them up and put them on my table.  Hmmm...okay.  But where is the other one?  Did it fall off again?  Where did it go?  I quickly look in the trash can, which is full and right next to the table.  I try not to move too many things around in it, in case the earring is precariously sitting on top of something.  I don't see it.  I remember the laundry.  I hope it's not in there!

Ah!  Irritating.  I love these earrings.  They are what I call my England Earrings.  David bought them for me in England...not the one overseas, but the one in Epcot!  They are still from England though so it counts!  Okay, so now I get to look through my entire trash can before I empty it...sounds like fun...but the fun will wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes and I need to do laundry.  I start to pull out dirty clothes, and I see that full trash can.  Irritated.  Where is that thing?  I am careful to pick up the laundry one piece at a time in case the earring got "scooped up" into the basket.  If the earring is in the clothes, hopefully it will fall out if I'm careful.  Nothing.  No earring.  Okay...I move on.  I'll get around to sifting through that trash can at some point.  Laundry goes into the washer and my day goes on.

Later that day, I remember that I have a load in the washer and I start putting them into the dryer.  About half way through unloading it, I wonder to myself if the earring actually was in the clothes and got washed.  Okay...it happens all the time where the kids have coins the their pockets and I get some free money at the bottom of my washer (I actually have a bank above my washer to keep lost coins...and it's very Full).  Usually as I get closer to the bottom of unloading the load, I hear clanging noises from the coins being scooted as the laundry shifts (since I have a front-load washer).  So now I am hoping to hear some metalic noise as I get to the end of the wet clothes.  Then, at that Exact Moment...I hear the whisper.  Look in the lip of the washer.  (My front-load washer has this little lip near the rubber seal where a sock will occasionally get lodged).  Huh?  The lip?  You practically have to stick your whole head in the washer to see into the lip.  I haven't even finished unloading the wet clothes...but out of curiosity, while on my knees, I stick my Head in the washer, half-full with wet clothes...and There It is!!!  I can't believe it!  I pick it up...and just sit there with this huge smile on my face.  Immediately I think (and I may have even mouthed it), "Jesus, you are so nice to me!  You are just so nice!"

I run into the bedroom where David is and show him.  He was happy I found it but I don't think he really understood what had just happened.  I felt like Jesus had just scooped down and given me a little side-hug and said "Here you go."  I just loved Him so much for that.  What a nice thing for Him to do for me!

Now, when I wear them I will not only remember my sweet husband and when he bought them for me...but I will also remember this story...knowing that whatever joy I received from it, He had more than that when doing it.  And I love Him for that!

Whisper #2 - To Buy or Not to Buy? That is the Question.

Okay, here we go.  Whisper #2.  This is a continuation of my series of 3 Jesus Whisper posts.  See previous post for the back story.

Some of you know this, but many may not.  David and I started buying rental properties this year.  We have a goal to build up a portfolio of good properties, fix them up nice, and rent them into the foreseeable future.  Housing prices are depressed, so it's a good time to buy and hold.  The goal is to accelerate our loan payments with the rent received so by the time we are 50, we have rent-able assets with no mortgage.  Stable source of independent income. 

My name is Julie....and I'm a Planner.  Coming up with "a plan" is something I love to do...and seeing the plan being realized is So Fun!  Especially a Financial Plan!!  Between Julie the Accountant and David the Finance major (did you know David was a Finance major?)...we love to solve money issues.  Sit down at the kitchen table, run the numbers, look at the spread of options, decide what our real goal is, weigh the risks, and figure out how to mitigate those risks and make it work.  We even High-Five each other when we reach the solution!  Hey...doesn't everyone High-Five and Hug during financial planning?  Well...that's how we roll.

Side note:  We have gotten several comments about "How can you afford that?"  "Where are you getting the money to do that?"  No worries.  David and I are not reckless and we make smart choices.  A lot of houses are selling below market value right now, for one reason or another...a lot below.  Find one with great potential.  Snatch it up, fix it up...and now it's worth market, but your investment is a lot lower than that.  Get a loan based on market value.  Rinse and Repeat.  It's not complicated, but it is a numbers game.  The numbers have to work or it's not a good deal.

Okay...so back to this week.  I get a call from my agent, "There's a house I think you should see."  I check out this house and immediately there are things I like about it, but it is also in pretty bad shape.  I start to get quiet...I'm thinking.  Walking around the house...and thinking.  How much will the rehab cost?  What could I rent it for?  Do I like that area?  What would I be willing to pay for it?  There's a bunch of unknowns in a house like that.  Got to factor those in.  I head home...think some more.  Calculator comes out.  I decide to low-ball it and see if they even respond.  Maybe we can get a dialog going.  Let's see what they do.  House is already listed below market, but not enough below I don't think.  At least not enough for my model to work.  Tuesday afternoon, I submit an offer...a really low one...20% less than asking price.

Wednesday mid morning, I get a counter.  A dud counter.  They came down $1,000.  Okay, what this means to me is that they think it's worth what they're offering (and it probably is - to someone else), and they don't plan to budge, but they are still willing to discuss it with me.  My agent thinks it's worth the price...and I agree, but just because the house it "worth" a price doesn't mean it will fit "my plan."  The plan that we High-Fived over at the kitchen table.  Got to stick with the plan.  Do the numbers work?

All day Wednesday, I am thinking.  Processing.  Calculating.  What's the high & low rehab figure?  What will it appraise for after rehab?  What's the high & low rent range?  I decide to drive through the neighborhood again.  I like it.  I like the house.  Time for a serious offer, but what should it be?  I'm sitting on the couch with my Iphone calculator and mortgage calculator...being still...thinking...and waiting for the whisper.  Waiting for the nudge to help me decide.  What is the most I'm willing to pay?  Honestly, I'm not sure.  I'm kind of black & white.  In this instance, I'd like to have a number where I could confidently rest and say "This is the highest I can go within my plan.  If I can't get it at that number, then that's fine."  For some reason, I couldn't rest on a figure.  Too many unknowns I guess.

In the stillness of my space, late Wednesday afternoon.  I start to hear the whisper.  The Jesus whisper.  An internal suggestion of sorts.  He suggested a number.  It was a number I was sure they would reject and was lower than the number I was thinking about countering.  But it was a number significantly higher than my first offer.  Hmmm.  That number would definitely give me more room for a "fudge factor," it's definitely higher than my original offer which communicates that I'm serious.  Okay, I follow The Whisper and text my agent the counter offer late Wednesday.  In the meantime, I am trying to still decide where my high figure will be. If they come down at all, how high am I willing to go?

I think about it a few times on Thursday, but really give myself a break and just wait to see what they counter.  Thursday is busy and I'm working at the office.  No text from my agent.  I run some errands and get a text at 4:00.  I get excited for a second when I see that it's my agent...but all she says is that she hasn't heard anything.  The house is bank-owned, so the response may not be quick...but it was quick the first time.  That's strange.  (This is the dialog in my head).  I'm eating dinner with David (kids are with grandma) and telling him about the house...what it looks like, what I like about it, the status of things, etc.  During dinner, I get a call from my agent.  She is excited.  They accepted your offer!!!  They accepted your offer!!!  *Gasp*   I immediately thought about Jesus and imagined Him whispering into the ears of those bankers over there...This is a good offer.  You must accept this offer.  Kind of like Obi Wan...These are not the droids you are looking for *insert hand wave here*.  Ha!  Did I mention we are a Star Wars loving family?

Thank you Jesus for your sweet whispers to me that guide me and show me where to go in the darkness.  I love you and need you as my greatest Companion, Father & Friend.

Stay tuned for 1 more Jesus whisper this week....can it get better?  Yes it can!

Whisper #1 - Service with a Smile

This has been an interesting week.  A bit has changed in my life since Monday...and I love it when that happens because it makes life interesting.  I also always learn something with each rock of life that I uncover.  There were 3 distinct times this week where I needed some guidance...I needed to make a decision or needed help with something.  When I come to that place where, now I have to make a decision...what should I do here?...That's when I get still.  I think.  I need a quiet place, or at least a quiet place inside my head.  After processing the options I have, I almost always ask David his thoughts, after explaining what I've considered.  He listens, hears the pros/cons I've come up with and usually adds thoughts and considerations that come to mind to help me.  Then...I sloooow down, think through, imagine myself in each option...and I wait.  I wait for the whisper.  Do you know what I mean by whisper?  For me, it is quite distinct.  It feels different than an idea, it sounds different than my voice to myself.  I talk to myself a lot in my head, and I know what I sound like to myself...if that makes any sense.  The whisper is God's voice.  Not a voice that you hear, and not just a feeling, but it's almost like...while I am thinking and processing, a thought Pops into my head out of the blue and not in the normal course of my own thinking.  It feels like I'm searching a dark room for something and all of a sudden a small light blinks to the side...just to get my attention.  That's what it feels like to me when I'm trying to decide something and I get an urge about it that is unrelated to the logic I am walking myself through.  Now usually they complement each other, but usually the logic stops at some point and you have to decide something base on what you have.  God's whisper is very distinct to me...so distinct that I immediately give Him credit for the outcome in those circumstances because I don't feel like I got there on my own wisdom, but like I was led.  Of course wisdom is given by God and I make a zillion decisions based on that wisdom every day...but some are different where I feel led to the decision by Someone Else.

All that was a lead-in to 3 whisper moments Jesus gave me this week...and I love Him for that.  Well, I'd love Him anyway but it just makes our relationship so much closer when He does that for me.  Lately, I have been re-examining where I serve.  Church, school. community.  Way back when the kids were tiny, I started serving everywhere.  I needed the outlet, being a full time stay at home mom (SAHM).  It grew from serving on a committee at church for a women's event to the following:  Attending a bible study, teaching a children's bible study, teaching in VBS, running a whole section of VBS, co-chairing the women's event, chairing the women's event, leading a small group at church, class mom for my pre-schooler, and serving in the school library.  After 3-4 years of that, I was wiped and I took a huge break from it all.  I back out of everything.  I decided to serve in 1 place.  That's it.  I will teach Sunday School with David...because I love to teach.  Don't ask me to do anything else.  I turned down lots of requests to teach other places, serve on committees.  I even stopped attending my Bible study because I wasn't in the right place to receive it.  It was just another thing on my list that I started to resent.  Sloooooowww dooooown......

Okay, so now I've been slow for a few years and it felt great.  So this is the weird thing.  Just a few weeks ago I started feeling like I should re-examine where I serve.  I kind of felt like there was more for me to do right now, but I wasn't about to jump on something.  I just had this sense like I should so something extra.  Like what?  I kind of just sat in that space for a few weeks.  No rush.  Just being still about it.

Then I get a call.  It's a call I have gotten before...in fact I got one last spring.  I saw the Caller ID and I knew exactly who it was.  The only reason this person calls is to ask me to consider serving somewhere.  For just a second, I considered letting it roll to voicemail because I just had heard from her last spring and I had to say no.  I made an honest consideration at the time but felt very strongly that it was a No right then.  But I felt the "urge" and I took the call...very willing to hear what she needed me to consider but fully expecting to have no change in my answer.  At the beginning of the call, I felt pretty sure that it was still a No.  But by the middle of the call something changed.  Not because of anything she said because it's the same request I've had before...but it was a soft whisper, an urging.  After the call, I immediately told David how weird I felt.  Very different from the other times she has called with the exact same request and I knew it was a no.  I started imagining myself in the No position, and anxiety stated forming.  I imagined myself in the Yes positon and sweet recollections of years past came to my mind...things God taught me through this service, ways I changed during those years, the leaps that I grew, and the lives I touched in that place.  "I think I'm supposed to do this" I told David.  And his demeanor was different too.  Previously he would tell me outright, I don't think you should do that.  This time was different. 

The next day I called her back and said Yes...and I even told her my journey to get there.  She gave the glory where it was due as did I.  So I am officially teaching Bible Study to children for the next school year at BSF.  Bible Study Fellowship.  It's a fantastic organization not affiliated with any church, with classes all over the nation and the world.  There are 3 women's classes in the Tulsa area and they have changed my life.  Teaching children is one of my favorite things to do and being a Children's Leader in BSF is a huge commitment but I'm going to let go and see what God does with it.

Stay tuned for 2 more Jesus whispers I experienced this week....