I regularly refer to myself as a Recovering Control Addict. It's not a label I'm proud of, and it has caused its share of problems in my life. I see myself as "in Recovery". I'm not sure what "chip" number I'd be on if they actually had a support group for such people but I might be around the 5-year mark. I guess that's how long I've been "sober" from the grip of having to control my environment. David and I laugh about it now. There is an upside to this condition...at least it feels that way to me (I guess you'll have to ask those around me to get the real truth on that one). My nature is to see the details of everything. I manage details well. I can see details that need to be addressed before they come up...if I'm organizing something, I can plan it out in my head so that I can spot the holes. David on the other hand is the big picture guy. Many times I have gotten overwhelmed in the details of something and can't see the forest for the trees...and then he saves the day by showing me what seems so obvious to him. David to the rescue! Then I can get back to the business of getting the details worked out.
So back to my addiction, if I see a better way of doing something...I want to say something. If there's a faster way to get somewhere or a more efficient way of accomplishing any task...I want to tell you! Don't you want to know how you can do that thing better than you are? Hmmmm...you see my problem? Okay, so I feel like I've earned my sobriety chip because now I don't always tell you what I'm thinking. Isn't that nice of me?....right. Didn't I say there was an upside? Oh yeah...the upside is that I do tend to be super-efficient in most tasks I set out to accomplish and I can snuff out the inefficiencies really fast...and I can see several steps ahead and plan for it. These are handy traits in the workplace and when planning 2-week family road trips (have you followed my trips on facebook...those take 3 months to plan!), as well as being helpful in other areas. On the other side, I have really learned to let go...let go of my need to have you do something the way I would...let go of how it may affect me if we get somewhere 15 minutes later...let go when I see inefficiencies that are really not a big deal. On a side note, one thing that really makes me feel loved is when David asks me, "Which direction do you think would be the fastest?" or "What do you think is the best order for us to run these errands?" Really?!? You want me to tell you what I think? I'd be happy to! One time I asked him why he wanted my feedback and he said, "Because the way you do things is usually pretty good!" Melted my heart....
Okay, so lately as I've been driving in my car...things cross my mind...about driving. Actual driving. I think about all the things I have learned about driving that you can't get in driver's ed. All the things you learn through experience...like when you are driving in 3 lanes of traffic and you want to merge into the center lane, you have to look in the far lane as well to make sure no one else is wanting to merge into the same spot. See, I told you my mind was an interesting place to be! Well...maybe that's not the word you would use. Okay, so my oldest son is 10...which means in 5 years he will be in the driver's seat while I am slamming the imaginary brake in the passenger seat. I am already trying to prepare for those days so that I don't revert into old habits. But I can already see that it's going to be tough because the consequenses of bad driving are not just getting somewhere 15 minutes late.
So, to satisfy my need to control that environment (and by that I mean pass along my well-earned wisdom on the subject) while still maintaining a let-it-go attitude...I have a plan. I plan to casually share my wisdom in very small pieces over the next few years...while he is still young enough to think I actually know something! Just like when you explain smoking to an 8 year old...you say "That is bad for you" and you say it in varying ways over the years so that hopefully when they are old enough to choose for themselves, you have imprinted your wisdom into their mind enough that it sticks! I already see that with my boys and driving! Here are some comments I have already heard from the backseat: "Look mom, that guy on the motorcycle is not wearing a helmet!" "Mom, they have their dog in the back of that truck. That's dangerous!" "Look mom, that lady is texting on her phone!" I just smile when I hear these comments, because it means my plan is working! Wisdom being successfully transferred from mother to son! I have to hurry up though...10 is not far away from the yucky years when I all of a sudden have no idea what I'm talking about.
So , that's what's going on in my head lately...at least while I'm driving. How can I possibly teach all I know about driving to my kids so they will be fantastic and safe drivers? (Usually I'm thinking this while some teenager almost causes a wreck in front of me). Okay, I'm realistic enough to know that will not happen...but I'm controlling enough to give it a shot. There's got to be a balance...right?
My dad was really good at what he called "planting seeds", which is exactly what you're doing. He would say, " I know you will eventually make up your own mind and all I can do is plant seeds, so here is what I think..."
ReplyDeleteI love your 'planning ahead,' Julie! Only proves what so many said last night!
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